Shooting, screaming,
Gun at hand,
Nowhere is safe.
So scared, no one is fleeing;
War is in demand.
Damage, damage, so much to repair,
Chaos, panic everywhere,
Too much despair.
Deep, deep very deep, in trenches,
The guy next to you drenches,
Drenches in his own blood,
So soon, that it might just flood.
Here, there, everywhere,
Peek, sneak, not a glare.
Now who would call this fair?
It’s like a cage…
No way out
Now watch out!
A riffle, pistol, and gun
Nowhere to be seen, is fun.
Too scared to run.
Weapon in hand,
War in demand,
Countries that mix,
Are now in a big fix.
Here, there, everywhere,
Signs that you see,
Try to persuade,
For you to be,
Involved in the war.
Citations:
http://www.fastforwardblog.com/wp-content/photos/world_war_1_recruiting_poster.jpg
http://www2.army.mod.uk/img/ddli/ww1_lewis_machine_gun_team.jpg
http://ncowie.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/waterlogged_trench.jpg
http://www.militaryfactory.com/smallarms/imgs/m1garand.jpg
http://maps.unomaha.edu/Peterson/funda/MapLinks/EuropeOverview/kiv28.gif
3 comments:
you did very well with rhyming and with line breaks, but you could improve with pictures because some of them are good but they dont go good enough with the poem. and in many places you could remove small words, and also some places needs to be revised.
First off I thought it was quite a good poem but had some issues. The line "so scared, no one is fleeing" didn't make much sense to me. But i did like how you split up each different problem with a comma. You could have some more powerful pictures then the ones you have.
Kaveen,
I really liked your poem. I think you did a good job with the rhyming and good imagery. I think that your pictures were good in supporting your poem too. Your poem confused me a bit at parts because some lines didn't make much sense to me. You could also improve on showing what you meant a little more than just telling. Other than that, good job!
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